An Old Trick

Recently a routine Yakama, Washington police patrol car parked outside Pete's tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a young tribal man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Aye!!!! Old tribal trick!!?

He Quit Talking To You

This was written by David Macrae in 1870. (It Says 1870 not 1970)

What he talks about still holds true about us today. Some people have a hard time understanding why we do what we do. In this case we can say we learned it from our Great Grandfathers and Mothers. Because of what Mr. Macrae talks about we get labeled standoffish, uncaring, hard to deal with and other labels.

I posted this in response to a question that I received from someone about a Choctaw relative of mine who quit talking to them.


Americans at Home
By David Macrae
1870

pp 185, 186

... if you helped an Indian in distress he would generally do as much or more for you in like circumstances.

The engineer of one of the lake steamers in Western Canada gave me the following pleasing fact from his own experience :

— " One day I met a wild Indian in the woods very downcast. The nipple of his fowling-piece had broken. He was far from his people, and, without his gun, he had no means of providing for himself. I screwed the nipple out of mine, found that it fitted exactly; and, as I had others aboard the steamer, I let him have it. He thanked me and went off into the woods. Next morning, before the steamer started, he came on board with some very fine game for me ; and he has never let a season pass since without paddling down in his canoe, sometime during our running season, with some little present of game or fish to show that he has not forgotten what I did for him."

Indians are said to remember injuries much longer than kindness, and have probably got more of them to remember. They are proud also and very easily offended. I remember, while lounging with a friend at the door of a hotel, an Indian woman made her appearance with a basket of native bead-work for sale. The gentleman beside me, without waiting to see what she had, waved her off. The woman stopped, and with a look of magnificent scorn turned away. I was sorry that she had been hurt, and called on her to come back and show us what she had, but she deigned no response.

An Indian cannot be bargained with like another man. If you want him to carry you across a river, he will shove off in his canoe till an arrangement is made that pleases him ; and if, in trying to make an arrangement, you offend him, he will paddle stoically away, and no entreaties or promises even of whiskey and tobacco (the two things that tempt an Indian most) will bring him back, or so much as make him seem to be any longer conscious of your presence. You can very rarely engage Indians for money to be guides or servants. They will go with you as companions, and will not refuse the money given them ; but if you do or say anything to offend their pride, and make them think they are regarded as menials, they will leave without a word, and without the slightest regard to the difficulties of your position. If you ask them to clean your boots, they will decline without any indication of being offended, but in the morning you find them gone.

Remember this was written in 1870 and uses the language from that time. Mr. Macrea also reflects the attitude toward our people in the 1870s. So no nasty emails. I didn't write it. I only say that our attitude has not changed. Offend us, look down on us and we are out of here.

The Fire

Here is a poem that I wrote a few years back that I thought I would post here for you to read.

The Fire

By Bo Tipton

Come my brothers and sisters,
come everyone of Mother Earth.
Come and sit by the fire
with the night surrounding us.

Watch the flames push the smoke
upward toward the Creator.
Our hope is deep
as we send these prayers
to ride the smoke.

Sit quietly, listen to the sound of the wind,
hear the crackling of the fire,
the sound of family and friends,
share their happiness.

The warmth we feel comes
from this sharing of love,
not just from the fire.

Look closely into each others eyes.
What do we see?
What we see in their eyes
is that which has made us who we are.

Close your eyes my brothers and sisters,
and listen to the wind,
see the flames lift higher.
Listen to the songs of our ancestors.

The songs offer so much when
we open our hearts to their words.
Only if we listen and
learn from their wisdom,
can we grow as a people.

Inhale the aromas around you,
smell the wood burning,
the rain in the air
and the smell of Mother Earth.

The drum begans to reach deep into our spirits
and as our hearts join the drum
the drums beat shakes Mother Earth
like when the buffalo and deer ran.
Reminding Mother Earth that
we remember and still care.

Taste what has come to our lips.
Taste the tears of joy that come from our eyes.
They are the tears of the past, present and the future.

Then we realize, that like the drum
that beat so strong,
the beat of our own hearts
are uniting as one people
in Peace, Love and Harmony…

Grandfather Eagle has a gift.
It is a glimpse of the future,
because we remember and learn
it is good.

How To Get Bucked Off A Horse With Style

1) Make sure that someone is watching. Why get bucked off is there is no one around to watch. This way, you will have provided comic relief for the day. Making someone laugh brings joy into their life. Besides if you have witnesses they will do a better job of telling the story later than you will.

2) Make sure that included in the group is
a) Someone you want to impress
b) Someone who you do not like and you do not want to give them something to talk about
c) Someone you are interested in who likes you
d) Your best friend who will fall over laughing and is sure to make the appropriate comments to make everyone laugh.
e) If you have children or grandchildren make sure they are present so that they can tell the story when the adults think it is not the appropriate time. The children or grandchildren will be able to tell the story and lighten the mood at things such as funerals, hospitals, their school, when you see someone you haven’t seen in years and other inappropriate times. Also having children present helps the story spread faster.

3) When you get bucked off do a good job of it. Don’t just kind of fall off the side of the horse but make a show of it. Here is you chance to give people a memory that they won’t forget, so seize the moment. If you can talk the horse into falling over the top of you without hurting you that might work and really looks spectacular.Remember if the people watching have been around horses before you have to out do what they have seen before. You want to achieve the greatness that when stories about buck offs are told your story is not the first one told but is the, "That is nothing you should have see the time", story.

4) As an added element you can grab for something to hold on to and miss it. Very Important,do not stay on the horse after the first good buck. If you ride the horse while it bucks you take away from the story of what happened.

5) Wear your best clothing. Do not do this with work clothes on if you want it to be remembered. Wear that new hat for the horse to step on. Be sure and wear you favorite shirt or blouse so it will get torn. Don’t forget your best pants so that you can get a stain that won’t come out. (See Step 11 For Stain)

6) Make sure you have a horse that can buck. Riding a horse that as a young colt dreamed of making the National Rodeo Championships as a
bucking horse will help. Not one that just crow hops but one that can put his head down and reach between his legs and grab his tail as he is going up and then does a fast 360 spin before he hits the ground would be nice. A spin helps your hang time. (See Step 10)

7) Make sure that everyone is watching. Someone popping a balloon, a car backfiring, two cats fighting under the hoofs of your horse are ideas that will help them to turn so that they do not miss anything and can so that they can describe it in detail later. Be creative on ideas to get their attention.

8) Make sure that no expects the horse to buck. Your horse should have been behaving and working nicely so no one is expecting it to buck. The more relaxed the horse seems to be before this happens the longer it will be remembered. If it is expected then the time they will spend retelling the story will be drastically reduced.

9) When the horse makes the first buck trying to set a new high jump record for horses be sure to let out the loudest scream possible. Scream like a very hairy man getting his private parts waxed. That will get their attention. When the neighbors two miles away come to see what is wrong then you know you did it right!

10) When flying through the air be sure and try to achieve the best hang time. The longer time you are the air with your arms and legs moving as fast as possible the more this will be remembered and the longer you best friend will tell the story. Here is where you get to shine and build lasting memories for your audience so fly like a bird, move your arms and legs and scream as loud as possible.

11) Now as in any Olympic gymnastic sports the landing is important.

a) Pick your landing spot carefully.
b) On your way down if you take a quick second to notice where you are landing it will improve the time that people will remember and talk about you getting bucked off.
c) Since you have your best pants and shirt on if you can land on that spot
where your horse relieved himself just minutes ago it helps.
d) If the horse manure is cool and the pile is steaming this also helps them
remember your performance.
e) When you land try to land on the nice steaming pile of horse manure on your back with a dull thud. The sound from the dull thud landing carries further and will not break the laughing like landing with the sound of a popping melon.
f) When you land on the steaming pile try to land on the small of your back
so it gets on and stains both the pants and shirt/blouse.
g) When your best friends pace off the distance the manure squirted out from under you, landing on your back on the pile will help you achieve a longer distance for everyone to remember.

12) In the last second of the performance if you feel that you did not do your best during the buck off and need a spectacular landing to really make wonderful memories for your audience pull the face first into the manure landing which is guaranteed to please your audience>. Not only is it an audience pleaser but it also adds a certain element when the person you are interested in, that is watching, finally decides to kiss you and as the magic moment draws closer for the locking of lips they get a mental image of the landing and where you face was. Wonderful stuff.

13) Now last but not least is the grand finale. As you are laying on the ground with multiple scraps, bruises and other injuries raise whichever arm will move wave your hand, say, “I’m okay”, and ask someone to check the horse.

Done right the story will be retold the rest of your life and on into the next generation. It will be remembered as the buck off of all buck offs and will be your 15 seconds of fame.