Monday, November 30, 2009

The Power of A Badge

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.

He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location. 

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,  I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  

"See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.  No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand? " 

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. 

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... 
 
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..... 

" Your badge.. Show him your BADGE ! "

Monday, September 14, 2009

Don't Mess With Old Floks

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD

George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No." Then they said

"All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay" He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" (True Story)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Don't Swim In My Pond

Hello everyone. As you can see it has been a while since I posted here. I have been out of circulation because of some health issues but I am now doing better and growing stronger each day. Thanks to everyone who emailed me while I was down and out.

Once again a reason not to mess with us old folks

Skinny Dipping...

An elderly man in West Ohio had owned a large farm for several years with a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to bring back some fruit As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..."

Holding the bucket up he said, “I'm here to feed the alligator.”

Monday, June 22, 2009

Worth Listening to