The Death Of Common Sense

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common SENSE

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.'

10 Signs Your Medicne Man Is A Scam Artist

10. He tries to sell you your own personal mile of the Red Road.

9. You begin to suspect his traditional herbal medicine is really just crushed up Tylenol from the drug store.

8. His Sundance is sponsored by Frito-Lay.

7. Suddenly, all his ceremonies seem real familiar after you watch the movie "Dance With Wolves" again.

6. The only tribal nation he is affiliated with is Donation.

5. Rich ladies from California are convinced he needs a different colored 2008 4x4 truck for each of the 4 directions.

4. Not only does he have a website, but the address is www.sellout.com.

3. The only thing in his pipebag is a portable credit card machine.

2. In order to attend one of his sweats, you need to contact Ticketmaster first.

1. His sacred white buffalo reeks of spray paint

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladys

When I was in Deputy Sheriff I was asked several times if we let Old Ladies get away with more. Of course you do. We learned that lesson very quickly when we were first getting started as officers. One reason is you are not going to win an argument with them and here is an example of another reason.

SPEEDING TICKET

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman:I'd give it to you but I don't
have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for
drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle
registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked
up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic
bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly
backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car,
clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your
vehicle please! The woman steps out of her
vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you
have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk
of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing
but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration
papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you
do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls
out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks
quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers
told me you didn't have a license, that you stole
this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was
speeding, too!!!!


Don't Mess With Old Ladies

Enough Said

President Hayes Helped Set a Record.

Today celebrates one of the shortest times before a agreement with Native Americans was made and then broken. On January 10, 1879 President Rutherford Hayes, by Executive Order, added to the Gila River Reserve Pima Agency. The reserve had been originally established February 28, 1859. The order also added land to the Pima and Maricopa Reservation. Less then 5 months later President Hayes changed his mind and on June 14, 1879 the land given to the Pima'a and the Maricopa's was taken back. Who said the government could not move fast?